A confession of Feelings.
The December came along with the winter holidays I was totally into one specific cafe where I informed the manager I will be drinking tea only and will be sitting and working in the one specific table which I chose because it was not visible from the entrance but visible from the counter so that I don't want to meet any of those bastards AKA Classmates to stop me from working. I was one day as usual sitting and sipping my tea when I met him, I didn't know why he came, he saw me when he placed his order at the counter, he then sat opposite to me in the same table. I started the conversation "so, why here?" he replied casually "They say the tea here tastes good." the tea sure did tasted good. We casually had the conversation without seeing each other I kept sipping my tea and looking at my laptop as his tea arrived. "How are things at the club without me?" I asked. " to be frankly speaking there is not much progress on the story. Without you there is not much leadership so the club members started to do things with freewill. We did many things other than writing. Only book was the one who kept writing but she too joined with us. And also did you noticed anything strange from rocket from the camping ?" he asked me a question regarding a club member which was odd. " "No, I didn't noticed anything from her. But now that you mention her I did found something strange from her. None of the club members showed care for me but the day when we fought she showed care for me." "The reason why others didn't showed care for you is because you were always looked angry. Anyway she is now recently mentioning about you and how we were before as a group. She really wants all of us back together as a group." My cup of tea was finished as I began to realize some important questions:
- The distance between his house and this shop is far. How can he exactly know I will be here?
- Even if this was a coincidence, using this conversation is he trying to get me convinced to rejoin the club?
- How he can know that I will be here and in this specific hours inside the cafe?
- Is the club stalking me and collecting information about my activities?
Until now I didn't even looked up to see his face I kept the cup on the saucer and ordered another cup then I looked up his face and asked him, "You didn't came all this way just to have a cup of tea did you?. Why are you here what is your purpose to meet me" he looked stern and took seconds to respond " I....... Am............. Sorry. It is my fault for quarreling with you. I want you to rejoin the club and reclaim your position as the club head." at least he realized his mistake but it is not convinced "I suspect you did not came alone? Who provided you the information that I will be here?" I asked him he replied I was stalked by rocket herself. Upto the point when he was asking for forgiveness the conversation was like two Hitman discussing about how to take down a whole fuckin country. But it seemed odd of him asking me for forgiveness. I didn't forgive him completely but I did temporarily with a condition stating that catnip will be the club leader but I will be the one controlling the club, I made him accept the condition. My another cup of tea arrived I asked him to inform the others to come out of hiding. I clearly spotted them sitting in three tables opposite to us. I snapped my fingers and gestured them to come. I saw only rocket and book. I asked about NM [NeuronMaster] catnip replied that he was writing blog in this winter holidays. Since we all were here (excluding advisor and NM) everyone except me decided to host a party without any reason to celebrate. All three of them took photos to celebrate I had my phone but I was not interested in taking pictures. What's worse was they uploaded the pictures on social media, there was this typical picture where all three were posing for the picture while I was typing on my laptop. They told me to enjoy a little but I ordered them to leave me alone.
We four were heading to the bus stop where we waited for rocket's bus to arrive. After she left catnip and book together asked me many questions regarding the camp experience with rocket. "We did nothing I escorted her to camp and awaited for you to come. Ah, we played truth or dare For some time" I said. That made them curious they asked me what questions did she asked for truth and how I managed to find my way through it." for my turn I asked her questions which she didn't knew answers or in other words she was not able to answer any of them. My questions were:
- Why do you live?
- What is the purpose of living?
- Why do you love someone?
"So what did she said for the last question" asked book. I replied that she knew answer to the question if I modified it, catnip asked with curiosity in his eyes what I did at that time I replied to his question "I do not want to know who she loves it is useless to me so I didn't changed it." both of them lost the interest in that topic. I don't even know why Both of them are asking about the camp experience frequently I inquired about the Teacher (Also known as Advisor) their reply sounded like a victory for me their reply was that the advisor was now realizing it was bad decision for accepting to be the Club's advisor. A arguement started to brew between me and catnip as he heard my reply for inquiring about the advisor. Catnip asked me what is with me in making the club members to regret their decisions. I replied back that if I made everyone to regret their decisions the club will soon be disbanded. That sparked the argument it led to a point where I was amazingly shocked as I was kicked to a corner with a question stating my personality and shit. I had to speak something then I realized that I must finish it today. I made it "the day I revealed my feelings". I started with the answer to the question catnip asked me on the ride back home
"You asked why I changed my behavior and personality after when I was rejected by book I lost hope and started to believe that there is nothing like love. I loved someone so much and who loved you so much. In the end I was the one to think that there is a thing called love.
Ever since that I began to lose everything in life began to think everything is nothing and I never wanted to be friends with anyone again as they are being friends with us for a purpose, for a wanting of something. Not for friendship we are seen as some Use and throw material. I don't want anyone to be with me I'm fine with myself."
I poured everything to them. I had a tear in my eye I brushed it aside. Book was confused about the part where I told "Rejected by her" I went ahead them as catnip explained everything detailed they both came and apologized to me I replied to their apology, " You both have nothing to apologize to me, as of me I am cursed to stay All alone with myself." I kept walking home ahead with book and catnip behind me. Catnip yelled at me to stop, I stopped, turned and looked at both of them and said, "A nice couple. One who takes care of everything and everyone and the other who takes care of the work and bring out perfectly."
It was snowing there, my laptop bag was slowly getting snow and opposite to me was catnip and book who told me something which to them thought it would change my life :
Rocket loves you.
P. S :
music recom : "Happier" by Ed Sheeran.
Listen and understand the lyric to feel how the Character "Mr." must have felt when he "Poured out His Feelings"
Comments